Love One Another

Women have a difficult time releasing their desire for control at times.  Many women fear if they let go of their need to control a situation, their worst fears will come true, especially when it comes to their relationship with their husbands/boyfriends.  However, by tightening the grip you have on the situation, you are only making your partner want to squeeze out and get as far away as possible from you.  This goes for men as well as women.  It is extremely difficult, but we need to learn to let go.  The best way for a relationship or marriage to succeed is by only having two things:  love and respect.  All the other things a marriage needs such as loyalty, honesty, compassion, care, come with loving and respecting one another.  The number one thing to remember if you fear letting go is that if you give your partner the freedom to make their own decisions, they will see your efforts, and in turn respect you more.  If they don’t, you will finally be able to see what the real problems are in your relationship and hopefully begin to work them out.

For example:  Let’s say we have a wife who is trying to prevent her husband from leaving the house for fear he is cheating on her.  She tries to say it is her right to prevent him from leaving the house because he is not doing the right thing.  This does not matter.  The first thing she needs to do is recognize it is his right to leave the house and go out whenever he wants.  He is an adult capable of making his own decisions.  If he does happen to go to bars until 4 in the morning and cheat on her, then that is the problem you have to deal with by making sure to let them know this is not okay, and unacceptable behavior.  But you can’t try to control or smother a partner from making their own decisions.  This is the kind of problem that comes from mistrust in a relationship.  The point is that putting your trust in someone does make them want to please you.  If she had instead said, “Have fun with your friends” when he left instead of trying to prevent him from leaving, he would probably want to live up to her expectations.  Not only that, but he may also seek to live up to her preferred wishes, like that he shouldn’t go out for very long and not to do anything bad and come home at a decent time.  

If you want to control the situation, you are saying you don’t trust your partner.  If you don’t trust your partner, you don’t want to add problems to your relationship by smothering them.  If you don’t trust your partner because they are doing something bad, you REALLY don’t want to add trouble to your relationship by smothering them.  Deal with the real issue you are facing instead of trying to control it yourself.  You can’t fix someone else.  They have to fix themselves, and maybe they would want to if you let go.

When I try to control a situation, I personally am usually trying to fix a problem that I don’t want to talk about.  I’m trying to see if I can get away with fixing the problem by myself without discussing it with my partner.  This has never worked out for me.  Also, it is not respectful or loving.  Your partner may not be respectful or loving to you with their actions, but you will only make things worse by behaving the same way, getting angry, throwing insults, or punishing them.  Why try to fix a problem by making it worse?  It keeps on coming back to love and respect.  

This is not the “end all” to all problems.  Sometimes, you love, respect, give your partner all the freedom they need, and they still break your trust, hurt you, or disrespect you.  That is when things really get tough.  You may seek counseling at this point, or ultimately an end.  But then, you may also just keep loving and trying.  Don’t give up without a fight.  If you are a Christian, I encourage you to go here to remind yourself of what the Bible says about how we should treat each other in a marriage.  Many other religions have similar standards and they also all come down to loving and respecting.


I have gotten a bit behind on my projects, since I am working on so many at once.  However, that’s a good thing because it’s something I enjoy doing.  I am currently working on probably the simplest thing you’ll ever learn to knit:  a scarf.  Cast on around 15 stitches, but really however many you want for desired width.  Knit back and forth til you reach a desired length.  I am switching colors along the way.  Here is one I made for a friend in December (since my current one is not finished).  She’s also wearing a hat I made (which is a bit more complicated, so I’ll focus on the scarf today)..   

"Doomsday Preppers"

I don’t know if any of you have seen the show “Doomsday Preppers” on the History Channel, but it is pretty ridiculous.  As described in the show’s title, this show is about people preparing for an apocalypse.  Before watching this show, I assumed that it was people preparing for 2012 doomsday type stuff.  However, the people on this show all have different theories about how the world is going to end and they are all preparing for something strangely specific such as the poles shifting, an oil crisis, a financial crisis.  Someone even said they were preparing for a power outage (and I was like, “Really?” You think a power outage is the end of the world?).

If I believed the world was going to end, I would not want to spend the last moments of my life obsessively preparing for an event that may or may not occur.  I feel sorry for these people because they are wasting all of their time and days with what sounds more like OCD than preparations. 

However, there is something to be said for having a “just in case” plan.  I would certainly not recommend doing what they do on that show.  But you can live a normal life and at the same time still be prepared for an emergency.  Here are a few ways:

1.    Know how to hunt.  The best way to survive would be to live in an area where you can already hunt on your own property.  That way, you wouldn’t have to uproot yourself in case of an emergency.

2.    Know how to garden.  Once again, the best thing to do would be to already have a garden before an incident happens.  This also requires living somewhere where you can have a garden.

3.     Have a heat source/cooking source that does not require electricity.  Whenever I buy a house, I intend to have a wood-burning stove in it.  However, this could be as simple as having a grill in your backyard or a Dutch oven.  You need to know how to prepare food without electricity. 

4.    Know how to preserve food.  Try to learn and practice canning.  Canning would be your best bet for a lot of stuff.  Collect mason jars, look up how to can and practice.  Know how to salt meat.  Also read up on burying for preservation, or other methods such as drying.

5.    Any one of us could stop buying clothes right now and still have enough clothing to last the rest of our lives, but it may be helpful to learn how to mend clothes by hand sewing so that the clothes you already have will last.

6.    Be well educated in basic first aid.

7.    Make sure you have a self-defense plan for intruders, such as the guns you already have for hunting.  ;)

8.    Hope to my goodness that the apocalypse you are preparing for isn’t a nuclear disaster, in which case, even if you survive, you will not be able to do any of the above. 

For the project of the day, I am working a winter ear-muff headband.  It simultaneously can look cute and keep your ears warm in winter.  For all one color, just cast on approximately 10-13 stitches (depending on how wide you want it).  I am alternating colors on mine.  Keep knitting back and forth until it measures the right length around your head.  Some knitters measure there heads first, but I’m more or less a “see how it goes” type knitter.  Cast off when it is the right length, then darn the ends together with matching yarn. 

I am not done yet, but here are the beginnings of my headband.

A Personal Decision

The decision to either stay home or put your children in childcare and go to work after having a baby (or a few) is a personal decision a couple must decide on themselves.  But if you are struggling with this decision, let me help you out on the benefits and disadvantages or each decision.

Going to Work:

First of all, if you don't mind going to work, you have to do some calculations first.  Will the money you make be profitable to you after you deduct the cost of childcare? That is the #1 question to ask yourself before going to work.

In the case that going to work is profitable to you, there are some benefits.  Obviously, one of the benefits is having extra money of your own without having to constantly as your husband for some. The biggest benefit is the feeling of having your own life and accomplishments.  Stay at home moms can at times feel as though even though they are working very hard, they have no appreciation from others or personal accomplishments of their own.  Working can restore that feeling that you have your own life.  A huge disadvantage associated with working is that it can actually feel like you are living two full time lives, or that you are working two full time jobs instead of one.

Childcare can be very beneficial for children.  Children learn social skills very early and receive an education at this crucial time when their brains are developing most.  Children who wait to even go to preschool later (at age 3 or 4) or kindergarten have a much more difficult time in school.  As a former childcare worker, I can tell the children who are just beginning preschool and the ones that have been in it since a baby or toddler.  They end up doing very well in school.

Staying Home:

Staying at home has its advantages, where you simply choose to or realize working will not be profitable enough to make it worth it.  The biggest benefit with this is that you know that your children are in excellent care in your own arms and not in the arms of strangers you only sort of know.  You get to spend quality time with your children. You may not even worry about your child getting a good education, because you are their personal teacher and tutor.  Children of stay at home moms have the potential of doing excellent in school as long as the stay at home mom is educating them in the home.  Also, as a stay at home mom, you have more time to keep your home in order.  Working moms may have chaotic, messy homes, and if they don't, it is probably because they are sacrificing sleep to take care of it.

There are disadvantages such as having to rely on your husband's money and not your own.  As I mentioned earlier, some stay at home moms can feel like they don't have a life of their own. But truly, many stay at home moms feel lucky that they can be with their children when their children need them.
Please comment and let me know what decision you have made regarding this, and how your decision is important to you.  My mom was at times a stay at home mom and at times a working mom.  At times, she did both and worked from home.  I hope to stay at home, but also to work on the side whenever I become a mom. 

For my project of the day, I have made soap!  This soap is white glycerin based with red dye, and cinnamon scent.  Glycerin is very good for your skin, and the dyes I use are safe for the skin too. 

Here is my soap in the mold after melting it down and mixing in the ingredients.  It is hardening.

Here is my finished soap.  Smells awesome.

Bi-lingual Education Advocacy

Usually, I discuss things vaguely having to do with women and history.  But in actuality, I simply write what I am passionate about.  Truly, I will not digress from my main topic of writing on this blog very much, but I have a lot to say about the following subject

I would love for you to post your opinion on this issue.  I have always thought it was sad that several of my students are fluent in both Spanish and English, but since they have been in an American school since kindergarten, have only learned to read and write in English.  Many of my fluent Spanish speakers that speak Spanish in the home cannot read or write in Spanish at all.  The phonics are different, and the alphabet is different.  Recently, several parents have expressed this as a lament, that their children cannot read and write in their native language. 

Let me just say that I realize the parents came to America voluntarily and are in our school systems.  But since coming to America, they have to work hard to make living and may not have the education or resources to teach their children Spanish at home.  Their children are not the ones that made the choice to come here, but they are, and because of a language barrier are falling behind.
If you were a parent with your children in another country, would you not want them to learn your own native language? 

There is an elementary school in Lexington, KY that has bilingual education for American children.  Half of their day is taught in English and half in Spanish.    This is Maxwell Elementary, close to UK's campus in Lexington.  This seems like a great idea to me.  I know it will never happen anywhere in my school system, but something that may be more realistic that might help these students are perhaps tutoring sessions to learn to read and write in Spanish after school.  Or perhaps Spanish could be one of the "Specials" schools offer, similar to Music and Art. 

I've been considering starting a Spanish Club to help the children learn Spanish.  But the unfortunate thing is that I can only influence my own school system.  I wish other school systems would acknowledge this issue better. I would also highly recommend Rosetta Stone.  I use it in the classroom for kids trying to learn English, but it also helps when you're learning any language.

This is just something I'm wondering about and was thinking maybe I could get your opinion on the issue.  Being a bilingual person can yield many opportunities later on, especially with jobs, but if a student can't read or write in their native language, what good does it do them?
I haven't posted in about a week, because I have been working on putting together my webpage for the schools system in which I work.  So today, I do not have a project of the day, because my this week's project has been this:

Here is My Professional Webpage

Just scroll down to view what I have put on the school website.  It is not much, just basically an overview for parents to see exactly how I'm helping their children in the public schools. 

If you have further interest in what I do in public schools, here is my school profile. 

Before I die....

More and more, you hear people talking about what is on their "bucket list." You hear it more in my generation, ironically enough. The Baby Boomer generation, while ambitious, has a different perception of success more related to possessions than experiences. Generation X is a bit more practical, focusing on having enough, good investments, and a safety net for hard times. I am part of Generation Y. We were brought up my dreams, imagination, fiction, and Disney. We were told we could be whatever we wanted to be. Put into practice, fantasy crumbles in the real world...but not entirely. We can still pocket amazing experiences that makes us feel like the dream can be reality.

Some people have many things in common on their bucket list, such as marriage, children, world travel, owning a dream house, etc. These goals are no different than our previous generations. My generation has personalized their lists a bit more. Go to bucketlist.org/featured and you will read goals that inspire you, and some that you think are strange such as:Be an extra in a movie, milk a cow, visit the Louvre, plant a tree, see a Cirque de Soleil show, drink absinthe, fly first class, visit every continent, visit New York City at Christmas time!, experience an earthquake, eat sushi in Japan, go snorkeling, be part of a Flash Mob, rescue a dog/cat from animal shelter, visit San Fransico, go Scuba Diving, pay for a strangers groceries, cross the intersection at Abbey Road, nnuggle in a hammock, see the Grand Canyon, see a Broadway musical, go whale watching, capture lightning in a photograph, spend the night in an underwater hotel, be kissed on top of a ferris wheel.

I have a lengthy bucket list. Many things on it, I have already done. I have traveled to 5 countries outside the U.S. I've been on a cruise. I've seen most states (I'd like to see the rest). I've been skydiving. I had my dream wedding.  I am learning to play the violin. I've had my dream jobs (education, living history museum, and now translation). But I still have so much left to do. The things I lack, however, don't bother me. Because I know I'm doing all I can to make the most of my life *right now.* I am incredibly happy. If I died now, I'd feel okay that I lived a wonderful life. If I continue to live, I will feel elated to get to spend more time on this earth and have even more wonderful experiences.

So what is the first step? Make a list. Second step? Don't focus on what you lack. Focus on what you've acheived. Every day you get to live, be happy you have another chance to mark somethiing off the list, but don't let it bother you if you haven't yet. Be happy here and now.Comment to tell me a few things on your bucket list.


 Last week, I went to Louisville to celebrate my aunt's and my uncle's birthdays, and I made them some coasters! That is the Project of the Day. If you read a few entries ago and saw the baby blanket, it's made just like that, only wayyyyyyyyyy smaller. If you already knit, then just cast on 4, increase to 23, then decrease back down to 4. If you are more of a beginner than that, or need more instructions, comment and I'll elaborate.

My coasters

Playing Joan Rivers with History

Yes, the role of “Joan Rivers” will be played by me today.  I am going to talk about different fashion for women over the centuries, in an “E Network” kind of way.  :D

The awards go to:

Worst Dressed:  Women in the 1980’s and aristocratic women in the 1700’s.  I don’t have to explain the 80’s to you, because most of you know why that is.  But let’s talk about 1700’s fashion (European/American aristocracy).  The corset has come along, but for some reason, women are wearing it on the outside of their clothes.  White, powdered wigs are enjoyed as well.  Women would actually cut their hair off and wear these on a daily basis.  They not only powdered their wigs, but also their faces with a washed out, chalk white powder.  Don't forget the frilly sleeves!  Also, it seems like it was popular to make it look like you have “box hips.”  Instead of the beautiful southern belle hoop skirt to accentuate your hips that will come later, or accentuating your natural hips like pencil skirts of the 1940’s, 1700’s “Georgian” women make their dresses stick out to either side, creating a “box hip” look.  Real flattering….

Most Practical/Comfortable Dress:  People these days talk about “practical and comfortable” dress in the form of jeans and a t-shirt, but I disagree.  I think jeans are pretty far from comfortable (what’s comfortable about stiff pants that make your thighs look huge?).  If you want to talk about real comfort and practicality, look no further than Biblical times (specifically Jesus times).  Men and women wore robes.  Do you have to wash your hair?  No, just wear a veil.  Now, fashionably speaking, these look like giant mumu’s to us, but still, you can’t argue that mumu’s are comfortable.  Some would have been made of wool, which isn’t so comfortable, especially in the deserts, but I’m speaking of the ones NOT made of wool.  If you want to get this look, but in a much prettier way, look to general traditional Indian dress.  I mean the country, India.  Women wear/wore robes and veils, but much more colorful, and the robes are a tighter fit, decorated with jewelry. 

Most Scantily Clad:  Believe it or not, the answer to that question is not in the past 40 years, although, there have been some scantily clad…many in fact….it is not our “in general, acceptable, everyday fashion.”  I also exclude tribal fashion, because it does not count under “widely and popularly worn.”  So the winner for most scantily clad goes to ancient Egypt.  Sleeveless tops, dresses that go down to your feet, and nothing under it.  Sounds like I’m describing lingerie.  To make it more enticing...it was popular for a while for women to wear transparent linen.    

Most Modest:  To go from who wore the least to who wore the most, the award for most modest goes to Victorian women.  Queen Victoria herself set a very modest fashion for the 19^th century.  No low-cut tops or short dresses in this time period.  We have long-sleeved dresses, cinched slightly at waist, and dresses flowing to the ground, puffed out by layers of petticoats (and at times in the 19^th century a hoop skirt or a bustle).  Some of you may argue that 17^th century (1600’s) fashion was more modest because you’ve seen a picture of Queen Elizabeth where she has a frilly turtle-neck, which would be more modest.  This was not the fashion of all, just the queen.

Best Fashion of Now Times:  I don’t hate everything that comes out in the modern age (although I feel like fashion has become rather careless since the 1960’s, and also boring and ugly).  It’s funny, even though I said I hated the 1980’s (and yes, most of it was a terrible time for fashion) my favorite modern fashion came out of it.  It is a fashion that is popular now, once again.  This is the big shirts (pretty ones) with tights underneath it, cinched at the waist with a belt.  This look can be done with flat shoes, but I think it looks better with heels.  It is a flattering look to women was long as the big shirt (or better, short dress) covers you past the butt a little.  As long as it does that, it is wonderful to flatter your waist, your upper body, and your legs, as well as accentuating curves.   

Best Dressed:  Fashion is all about opinion, so in my opinion, the best time for fashion was the 1950’s.  1.)  You get to wear short sleeves, and even sleeveless for once.  2.)  Your dresses and skirts don’t need to go floor-length; they can go to the knees.  3.)  These are the most flattering to a woman’s figure because typical dresses are cinched at the waist, then flow out to the knees.  4.)  Hairstyles and make-up are meticulously done, but not overdone.  5.)  The whole look is pulled together with elegant, understated pearls, which were very popular.  The downside of this fashion would be that you still wear petticoats underneath, but I don’t think it’s as big of a deal when they are knee-length (they don’t get as hot).   

1950's style from etsy.com

"Runners Up" that are Well Dressed:  Even though I’m not a modern historian in the least, I prefer 1900-1950’s dress the most.  In the 1900-1920’s, we have some Victorian leftovers, but the fashion of this age mostly goes toward a more fitted look.  Your skirts still go to the floor, but they are flowy with less layers underneath and more fitted to your body.  Short sleeves become more popular and acceptable.  In the 20’s, you can dress in skimpier outfits and cut your hair off and look absolutely adorable.  The 30’s and 40’s are about jackets with big buttons to the side and knee-length skirts with a mere slip underneath, however very dark and neutral colors.  The pencil skirt starts to come along in this period, although many women still wear long skirts.  Another separate period I like is the 1500’s nobility.  You get the big dresses, but you can also enjoy low necklines, and tighter tops, so your natural figure is still in view.  Also, everyone loves the southern belle look of the late 1850’s, early 1860’s. 

Today's Project of the Day is another very simple one for everyone.  It's what's for dinner!  :D  Something very simple for busy moms or generally busy women (like me).  If you want something really fast and easy that is also delicious, try cooking rice, and separately cooking a can of vegetable soup, then pouring the vegetable soup over the rice.  It's very yummy, filling, and easy. 

Progresso Vegetable Soup over rice

"You lonelily let him push under your bones...."

I have had my own issues with temptation.  I've been faced with it in the form of real offers from men I once loved.  In my short marriage, I had to draw clear lines early on.  The first thing I turned to to figure out where my lines should be was google (lol).  I read experiences ranging from "open marriages" to "just being tempted is a sin," and everything inbetween.  The best source I have found on this issue is a blog I found http://star-crossed-hearts.blogspot.com/ .  This is a normal, middle-class Christian woman, wife, and mother discussing her story of having an "affair of the heart" and how it effected her marriage, how she dealt with it, and what she learned from it.  I highly recommend reading it.

Women tend to commit "affairs of the heart" more than men.  Yes, I realize it takes two, let me rephrase that.  Married women tend to commit "affairs of the heart" more than married men; they are commiting those affairs typically with unmarried men.  Men have more actual physical affairs that involve physical/sexual transgressions.  No, I'm not going to talk at length over which one is better or worse.  I will say that a marriage can with greater ease recover from a sexual affair than it can when a spouse has fallen in love with someone outside the marriage.

I don't know if this is true or not but I've heard that Johnny Depp once said, "If you are in love with two people at the same time, go with the second.  Cause you wouldn't have fallen for them if you still loved the first one."  I love Johnny Depp, but I disagree with that sentiment.  You can truly and deeply love lots of people at once.  You can love them for different reasons and they may be different people, but you can love two people at once.  Your love may be true, but that doesn't make it right. 

The number one reason these affairs occur, especially in women is a need for emotional validation.  When you have a bad day, your husband is working, or you feel neglected by him, it feels nice for that other guy to tell you how beautiful you are and how much they want you.  After being married, you don't get to experience that "crush" feeling so much and it feels nice. 

So you ask yourself "What is cheating?"  You say, "Flirting isn't cheating; giving someone a compliment isn't cheating."  Don't try to skirt the line to see how close you can come to cheating without it actually happening.  Just think, "Would my partner be upset if he/she knew I was doing this?"  That is the question to ask to figure out if what you are doing is right or wrong.  Sure, that text telling your ex-boyfriend how good he looks and how much you miss him is not cheating.  But would your husband be upset if he knew you said that?  I can tell you what your husband would be thinking.  Things like, "She never says that to me" or "I remember when she used to say those things about me."  It's things like that that lower their self worth and make them trust you less. 

In short, my line is set.  Being tempted is not sinful, but giving in to it is.  If it hurts my husband, it's not worth it, not matter what "exciting" feeling it may give me for five seconds.  This guy may be a fun crush, but it's my husband I love.

If you don't sew or knit, but you want to make one of my projects of the day, I have an easier one tonight.   It is a "homemade" candle.  I say homemade, because it is made at home, but from other candles.  You can melt down candles you already have or buy.  Melt these with caution in their containers, in a pan on the stove, on medium heat.  Pick out the wick and washer with tweezers or tongs.  Pour melted candle(s) into a new glass container with a homemade wick.  I used a washer and yarn (it burns faster than store bought candles, but it's homemade).  The way you can get creative with this is by combining colors or adding ingredients.  I had a vanilla candle melting and I added cinnamon to it to make it a cinnamon vanilla candle.  If you want a "rainbow" candle, you can pour in a little of one color, wait until that hardens, then pour on the next color, et cetera.  Here is one I made recently:



My "Homemade" Candle (Cinnamon Vanilla)



I'm a sucker for song lyrics, so here is a pretty good song, albeit a sad one, about a relationship ruined by affairs.  Just click the cut to.....