"You lonelily let him push under your bones...."

I have had my own issues with temptation.  I've been faced with it in the form of real offers from men I once loved.  In my short marriage, I had to draw clear lines early on.  The first thing I turned to to figure out where my lines should be was google (lol).  I read experiences ranging from "open marriages" to "just being tempted is a sin," and everything inbetween.  The best source I have found on this issue is a blog I found http://star-crossed-hearts.blogspot.com/ .  This is a normal, middle-class Christian woman, wife, and mother discussing her story of having an "affair of the heart" and how it effected her marriage, how she dealt with it, and what she learned from it.  I highly recommend reading it.

Women tend to commit "affairs of the heart" more than men.  Yes, I realize it takes two, let me rephrase that.  Married women tend to commit "affairs of the heart" more than married men; they are commiting those affairs typically with unmarried men.  Men have more actual physical affairs that involve physical/sexual transgressions.  No, I'm not going to talk at length over which one is better or worse.  I will say that a marriage can with greater ease recover from a sexual affair than it can when a spouse has fallen in love with someone outside the marriage.

I don't know if this is true or not but I've heard that Johnny Depp once said, "If you are in love with two people at the same time, go with the second.  Cause you wouldn't have fallen for them if you still loved the first one."  I love Johnny Depp, but I disagree with that sentiment.  You can truly and deeply love lots of people at once.  You can love them for different reasons and they may be different people, but you can love two people at once.  Your love may be true, but that doesn't make it right. 

The number one reason these affairs occur, especially in women is a need for emotional validation.  When you have a bad day, your husband is working, or you feel neglected by him, it feels nice for that other guy to tell you how beautiful you are and how much they want you.  After being married, you don't get to experience that "crush" feeling so much and it feels nice. 

So you ask yourself "What is cheating?"  You say, "Flirting isn't cheating; giving someone a compliment isn't cheating."  Don't try to skirt the line to see how close you can come to cheating without it actually happening.  Just think, "Would my partner be upset if he/she knew I was doing this?"  That is the question to ask to figure out if what you are doing is right or wrong.  Sure, that text telling your ex-boyfriend how good he looks and how much you miss him is not cheating.  But would your husband be upset if he knew you said that?  I can tell you what your husband would be thinking.  Things like, "She never says that to me" or "I remember when she used to say those things about me."  It's things like that that lower their self worth and make them trust you less. 

In short, my line is set.  Being tempted is not sinful, but giving in to it is.  If it hurts my husband, it's not worth it, not matter what "exciting" feeling it may give me for five seconds.  This guy may be a fun crush, but it's my husband I love.

If you don't sew or knit, but you want to make one of my projects of the day, I have an easier one tonight.   It is a "homemade" candle.  I say homemade, because it is made at home, but from other candles.  You can melt down candles you already have or buy.  Melt these with caution in their containers, in a pan on the stove, on medium heat.  Pick out the wick and washer with tweezers or tongs.  Pour melted candle(s) into a new glass container with a homemade wick.  I used a washer and yarn (it burns faster than store bought candles, but it's homemade).  The way you can get creative with this is by combining colors or adding ingredients.  I had a vanilla candle melting and I added cinnamon to it to make it a cinnamon vanilla candle.  If you want a "rainbow" candle, you can pour in a little of one color, wait until that hardens, then pour on the next color, et cetera.  Here is one I made recently:



My "Homemade" Candle (Cinnamon Vanilla)



I'm a sucker for song lyrics, so here is a pretty good song, albeit a sad one, about a relationship ruined by affairs.  Just click the cut to.....

I gave me away
I could have knocked off the evening
But I lonelily landed my wants in her hands
In a way I felt you were leaving me
I was sure I wouldn't find you at home
And you let me down
You could have knocked off the evening
But you lonelily let him push under your bone
You let me down
It's no use deceiving
Neither of us wanna be alone

You're coming home, you're coming home

I gave me away
I could have knocked off the evening
But I was lonelily looking for someone to hold
In a way I lost all I believed in
And I never found myself so alone
And you let me down
You could've called if you'd needed
But you lonelily got yourself locked in instead
And you let me down
It's one thing being cheated
But you took him all the way through your bed

And now you're coming home
And I'm trying to forgive
You're coming home
And I'm trying to forget
You're coming home
And I'm trying to move on
You're coming home
And you haven't called yet

You're coming home
And I'm trying to forgive
You're coming home
I'm just trying to forget
You're coming home
I'm trying to move on
You're coming home
But you haven't called
You're coming home

You're coming home, you're coming home

I gave me away
I could have knocked off the evening
But I lonelily loomed her into my bone
You let me down
There's no use deceiving
Neither of us wanna be alone